Flight Instructor -
Individual of dubious reputation, paid vast sums of money to impart knowledge of questionable value and cast serious doubt on the coordination, intelligence, and ancestry of student pilots.
Flight Plan -
Scheme to get away from home to go flying.
Glide Distance -
Half the distance from the airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
Formerly "airplane," prior to running out of fuel.
Gross Weight -
1. A 350-pound pilot (also see "Split S").
2. Maximum permissible takeoff weight plus two suitcases, 10 cans of oil, four sleeping bags, four rifles, eight cases of beer, a bowling ball, and the groceries.
Home for anything that flies, mostly birds.
Heated Air Mass -
Usually found near hangar, flight lounge, airport cafe, or attractive, non-flying members of the opposite sex.
Holding Pattern -
The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any radio facility serving a terminal airport.
The letter H as pronounced in the phonetic alphabet. Most often heard in intercom conversations between pilots and flight attendants.
An airplane designed to land on a 20,000 foot long wet runway.
1. I Follow Roads
2. A method of flying by needle and ripcord.
Jet-assisted Takeoff -
1. A rapid-takeoff procedure used by a general aviation pilot who suddenly finds himself taking off on a runway directly in front of a departing 747.
2. Takeoff by pilot who ordered enchiladas for lunch at the airport coffee shop.
Junkers 52 -
A collection of elderly airplanes that even the FAA can't make airworthy.
A unit of measurement used on charts to further confuse pilots who already have trouble with knots.
Lazy 8 -
1. Well-known fly-in resort ranch.
2. The airport operator, his four mechanics, and three lineboys.
A small rectangular notebook used by pilots to record lies.
1. Spanish for, "What a cool-looking magnet!"
2. Not-very-famous Italian vaudeville magician, "The Great Magneto."
Term used by pilots in the Lafayette Escadrille during WWI to
describe what they had to land in during rainy weather.
A word used by Englishmen and student pilots when referring to an aircraft engine. (also see "Aerodrome")
Time delay built into the stall warning system.
National Airport -
Inordinately congested airport in Washington, D.C. whose Potomac River approach was used by Korean War pilots practicing to bomb the bridges at Toko-Ri.
The process by which a pilot finds his way from point A to point B while actually trying to get to point C.
An airline term for lavatory.
A town in Wisconsin that is the site of the annual Experimental Aircraft Association fly-in. It is believed to have been named after the sound that most experimental aircraft engines make.
Parasitic Drag -
A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.
A poor, misguided soul who talks about women when he's flying and flying when he's with a woman.
The story you give your wife about needing an airplane to use in your business.
Pitot Tube -
On long flights, something into which the pilot can pitot.
Prop Wash -
1. Cleaning agent used by student pilots.
2. Pilots' equivalent of "hogwash."
An extremely realistic type of video game, often found at airports. Players try to send small game-pieces, called "blips," from one side of the screen to without colliding with each other. Player with the fewest collisions wins.
Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air.
1. The most popular name in radio transmissions - followed by Dodger, Codger, Over & Out..
2. Used when you're not sure what else to say.
Course flown by student pilot from point A to point B.
Short-field Takeoff -
A takeoff from any field less than 10,000 feet long.
Split S -
What happens to the pants of overweight pilots (also see
The Federal Aviation Administration.
What the instrument panel clock sounds like when it needs fixing. An improperly tuned clock goes "Tock Tick" instead of "Tick Tock".
1. An old pilot after a long flight.
2. A young pilot who over-rotates a tricycle gear aircraft on takeoff or landing.
Results from eating beans in the airport coffee shop; often causes oxygen deficiency in the immediate vicinity.
Trim Tab -
1. A device that can fly an airplane better than the pilot.
2. Popular diet beverage for fat pilots (also see "Gross Weight").
Useful Load -
Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, without regard to
What you do when waiting for weather to clear.
Roger's brother, the nerd.
Well-perforated item of clothing worn inside the shoe by underpaid copilot who can't afford a replacement or a darning needle.
Wing strut -
Peculiar, ritualistic walk performed by student pilots upon getting out of low-winged trainers following first flight performed without instructor yelling at them. Usually results in instructor yelling at them.